Da'wah: The Story of a Former Christian Youth Minister - Joshua Evans

Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Amr (Radi-Allahu 'anhu): The Prophet (Sallallahu 'Alaihi Wa Sallam) said, "Convey (my teachings) to the people even if it were a single sentence, and tell others the stories of Bani Israel (which have been taught to you), for it is not sinful to do so. And whoever tells a lie on me intentionally, will surely take his place in the (Hell) Fire." -- Bukhari Vol. 4 : No. 667

This video was from 2009. It seems to be circling around my circles recently and gaining quite a following. Doing what little I can FOR the cause.

2011: The Year of... Well, THE Year!

I was browsing through old posts in this blog. My first post was on October 2nd, 2006. That was five years ago. I was a very different person.

I looked back to 2005, 2003, 2000, 1998, 1997, 1995, 1993, 1992… each marking significant turning points in my life and in perspective. I grew up, for the better, for worse, yet I grew up nevertheless.

But 2011 will always be THE year.

I lived my lifelong dream. Of that. Thing.

I emptied my EPF account 2 for a bigger pigeon hole, and then suffered half of the year paying for 2 properties.  I know it is odd that a dragon would live like some idiot bird. It's for the greater good.

I bought stuff.

I took another small step towards living debt-free.

I still live on deficit.

Looking forward, I think I’m gonna try writing in Malay for a change. I may suck, but I definitely need to try it out. I have some peculiar ideas in my head. I think I’m gonna try writing a book. Hey, I lived one dream, why can’t I live up to another one?

General Erection Election is almost certain to happen first half of 2012. The way things are in Bolehland, the ruling coalition loses my vote as long as they are more interested in buttholes than fixing the economy and the rampant corruption at virtually every level of governance.

I have a feeling things will not work out so well come 2012. Cost of living, taxes, utility bills and kindergarten fees have gone up. It is going to be the year of the Dragon according to the Chinese. It is going to be Tarmon Gai’don according to the Wheel of Time. And it is going to be the apocalypse according to the Mayans.

There are no coincidences.

Innocence: Once You Pop, You Can't Stop!

If you are old enough (or perhaps young enough) to remember the Macarena, you should understand that you may love or hate it, but once you've heard it you can never forget it. Yup, 80's babies, I'm going to remind you of the one-hit-wonders that poisoned our young adolescent minds with innuendos, masked by addictive techno beats and dances of the 90's!

I'm gonna share five, just five songs of the genre that I dare to lest I be tempted to smash my own head against a wall to shut out the addictive tunes and dance moves. Yes, I kid you not, if you are Generation Z and doesn't know what I'm talking about, tread carefully! These are NOT Justin Bieber stuff *shivers*.

First, lo and behold... the Macarena!! It's fairly innocent compared to what's coming, so watch, and try not to move.

Not bad for a warm up.

Next, Trouble, by Shampoo! I was tricked... TRICKED into buying their album with a "This is Alternative!" sticker on the cassette cover. Back then Alternative was the cool thing especially after a certain grunge dude shot himself dead in the head. Well, here goes.

I was like, 15, back then, when I said bursting bubble, I meant bursting bubble. Nowadays when I said bursting bubble I... Never mind.

Ok, on to, Asereje, by the Las Ketchup. I must confess, at the expense of my street rep, I used to know the choreography of this dance *blush*. The original version was in Spanish.

Now tell me you don't even feel the slightest urge to just asereje ja deje away to that tune. I never for the life of me get what they were saying though.

Next, Barbie Girl, by Aqua! (seriously, BARBIE GIRL?? By AQUA?? What was wrong with me? *facepalm*)

"You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere"... yes, you can, baby.

Lastly... my all time, personal favorite. I must caution you. The video is highly suggestive and absolutely NOT appropriate for your 7-year old. If your children are pestering around you, singing along to these seemingly innocent songs, shoo them away like, now! If you think you can't handle it, do not, and I repeat DO NOT click on the link! (yup, you can't stop yourselves now right? *evil laugh*). But if you do watch it, do watch to the end. I promise you it will be kinda... disturbing... I give to you Gunther & the Sunshine Girls, the Ding Dong Song! (that's right... the DING DONG song! I need help. Seriously)

Now keep your hands off your tra la la.

Farewell: Been There, Done That, Would Definitely Do It Again!

A week ago, today the world mourned the passing of the great Steve Jobs while I was preparing to board the flight home from Maryland, USA. It had been 6 months living by myself in the land so familiar yet so alien at the same time. A place I could almost call home given different circumstances. I arrived with barely a whimper. Last week I left with barely a bang.

I got there armed with 3 decades of Americanization etched to the back of my head. And thus when asked on how I came to know so much about American pop-culture while only being there the first time, well, I simply replied “We had TV”.

For 6 months I lived my dream. I finally got to see the grounds where my mom pushed me out into the world with epidural pumping down her veins. I covered more ground on foot around the great Manhattan than any typical American citizen usually would. I paid my respects at Ground Zero. I walked along Wall Street where the world economy makes and breaks. I shook the gates of the White House, home of arguably the most powerful authority in the history of modern civilization. I was there when the great USA almost defaulted on their debts. I was there at the beginning of the end.

I crossed the borders of 17 out of 52 free states. I was there when both Casey Anthony and Amanda Knox were set free. I was there when that rogue magnitude 5.8 earthquake struck the East Coast. I was there when 70mph Hurricane Irene left a trail of destruction along her furious path. I was there when the world bid farewell to the great Steve Jobs. I've known some, I’ve learned some, I've seen some, I've done some, I know I haven’t done it all, but I was lucky to have known, learned, seen and done as much as I did at all.

I was unsociable, as usual, but of course inevitably made friends. Some would probably fade away, others would probably stick around for as long as time and memories allowed to. I called them friends. They probably called me nuisance.

So to you, my friends, I didn’t say things as well as I would like to. I misunderstood conversations half of the time. I didn’t really care about what was being discussed most of the time. I laughed my way out of every possible awkward situation, I laughed out loud, and perhaps I laughed out too much. I had my way, and if I offended anyone, well, too bad, because me no speakee Inglish. Above all, I would like all of you to know that despite my abrasive, obnoxious, vulgar, rude, offensive, horrid, disturbing, psychotic, maniacal, despicable, irrational behavior, I meant well. Most of the time. At least. Thank you for not banging my head to put me in my place. (Well, if you did, yeay lawsuit!).

Thank you Tom for talking to me when nobody would. Thank you James for going out with me when no one else would. Thank you Yasmin for showing me how things work when no one else could. Thank you Marty for free donuts, bagels, candies and meals. Thank you everyone else for your friendship and for being there when others would just walk away. I may never see any of you again, but you have each left a metaphorical mark in my life. So for that, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Now get your asses back to work! xD

Clichés: When Did You Come Back?

I returned from my 6 months' work assignment in the US last weekend. Thought about writing a tear-jerking farewell for those crazy caring and loving people I call friends there but nothing came to mind. Yet. I imagined that as hard as I try to make them cry, it is more likely that they will be rolling on the floor laughing their asses off. Or maybe they really will cry. In horrid disbelief. Or utter disgust.

But yeah, I took the entire week of this week because I needed the break. And because I wanted to put off meeting people from the office as long as I can. But I can't. Apparently God had other plans for me.

And so began a series of conversations with numerous different people with different words and sentences that basically revolved around the conventional theme of welcoming me back.

Hey you're back! (Yes, I am.)
When did you come back? (Last weekend.)
You look... fit. (Yes I got fat.)
You're back to work so soon? (Nope. I'm playing Santa Claus. I come bearing gifts.)
When are you leaving again? (Back for good. Too bad.)
But I thought they wanted you to stay longer? (Yeap, but not without my family. I woke up at night. Crying.)
Hahaha. (Hahaha.)
Awkward. (Awkward.)
Alright, glad to have you back. (I guess I'm glad to be back.)
Bye. (Bye.)

Aaaaaannnnd.... the next person came along. Repeat.

Maybe getting this seemingly compulsory social exercise done and over with is not such a bad idea after all. At least by next week they will forget about me being gone at all and I can move on.

"At last they rode over the downs and took the East Road, and then Merry and Pippin rode on to Buckland and already they were singing again as they went. But Sam turned to Bywater, and so came back up the Hill, as day was ending once more. And he went on, and there was yellow light, and fire within; and the evening meal was ready, and he was expected. And Rose drew him in, and set him in his chair, and put little Elanor upon his lap. He drew a deep breath. 'Well, I'm back,' he said." -the last paragraph of The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King-

Well, I'm back.

South-East: Myrtle Beach Wasn’t Moaning, It Was Roaring!

After 4 weeks of sulking and practically doing nothing over the weekends (wait, Captain America and Friends with Benefits were NOT "nothing", ok? lol) I finally decided to burn some time and cash going down south to cross a few more states of the east coast. A little over two weeks ago I found out that a good old friend of mine who I have not met for 14 years is currently living in Raleigh, North Carolina which is about 5 hours’ drive from my place in Maryland. If that is not the perfect excuse, I don't know what is.

So I decided to leave early on Friday from work to beat the traffic around DC and Virginia, as per advised by my occasional when-I-don't-bring-food-from-home lunch buddy cum donuts-and-bagels-guy (there, James, I hope you are happy :-p). Well, apparently leaving at 3pm from Columbia, MD going south was NOT nearly early enough! I still got caught in 10 mph-0 mph-10 mph traffic for about 2.5 hours just outside of DC well into the borders of Virginia on the I-95. I wonder at what time US government officers actually get off work to cause such massive jam that early.

Nevertheless, I got to Raleigh, NC in one piece. My old friend looked just like how I remembered him 14 years ago. I know I didn’t. We did the usual eating and talking. I probably talked more than he did, of course, because that’s just how we were; myself the thrash-talking machine gun and him the quiet shock absorber. His wife was around so I guessed I kinda behaved myself properly. At least I thought so.

For them I brought a precious little gem from the great land of Malaysia, a rarity, a luxury item here in the USA that would cost an arm, a leg and significant effort to acquire: a pack of Maggi instant noodles, the all-time favorite Malaysian junk food.

The next day we went on a trip to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. It took about 3 hours to get there from his place. Considering that it was the fasting month of Ramadhan, it probably was not a good idea to go to a beach in the USA where, you know there would be “eye candies” all around -_- . Unfortunately that was about the closest attraction crossing the border to SC and I did not have much time to go anywhere further. Plus, his wife was coming along so it couldn’t be that bad (yeah right, and who was it who wanted to watch the mermaids show??? lol).

Basically there were a few obvious things to do at Myrtle Beach. We started by walking on the Boardwalk along the beach, watching a variety of half-naked people of all shapes and sizes, the shore of the Atlantic Ocean, and window shopping for souvenirs. Apparently it was tax free weekend in SC but I didn’t really find anything of interest other than some fridge magnets and keychains. I did the usual load of photos on my trusty Atrix.

There were a few fun rides near the Boardwalk; a slingshot similar to what we have in Malaysia a few years back, (if I remember correctly was called “Reverse Bungy”) which basically shot 2 riders sky-high on cables and then bouncing them up and down; a big Ferris-wheel, and a roller coaster. All costing money that I didn’t want to spend though the slingshot ride was particularly very tempting. Probably wasn’t a good idea to get on it on empty stomach anyway.

We then went to an open-space shopping mall called the Broadway at the Beach where things got interesting. It started to rain. We took refuge in one of the shops but the downpour just kept on going for quite some time so we decided to just walk in the rain. It wasn’t so bad at first but soon we were drenched to our bones. And I absolutely enjoyed it!

Broadway was a beautiful place with beautiful structures around a lake. Aside for the usual shop lots and restaurants, there were castles, an aquarium, IMAX Theater, Ripley’s museums, and one building called the Wonderworks which was designed to look like it was uprooted upside down. I believe it was a restaurant but I’m not sure. Somehow the rain just made everything more… majestic. It was quite an experience walking in the rain without care like that while trying desperately to keep my Atrix and videocam dry.

We decided to call it a day right after that and drove back to NC wet and all, and arrived in time for dinner.

Yesterday morning, right after Sahur I bid farewell to the happy couple and made my way back to Maryland, to the sanctuary of the cold dark suite (read: cave) I call home for another 60 days.

Things learned from this trip. It’s a long long way to Orlando, Florida but that’s where all the action is. Cheesecake enthusiasts like me should check out the Cheesecake Factory. Delaware is a tax-free state (4 months here and I just discovered that. Damn). Turkmenistan is an actual name of a country. I could cross three more states on the north-east within a few hours from New Haven, CT. Painted shells on hermit crabs are beautiful in a creepy way. I really, really need to work on my drowsy driving problem before I really crash sometime somewhere. My friend had NEVER been to Penang and that is a SIN! Most importantly, even if things change for the better or worse, some things will always stay the same.

If I have one word to describe last weekend, it would be AWESOME!

Home: There and Back Again

Three weeks ago today I was on the way back home to the land of nasi lemak, teh tarik, and everything boleh after spending three months in the land of hamburger, beer and everything… free. I reached home after 30 hours of travelling to the confused face of my daughter. I truly believed that she had almost forgotten who I was!

We headed to McDonald's as soon as I touched down. Ironic.

3 months is a long long time when you have growing children. Before I left, my eldest barely read and write; my second barely talked; and my newborn still fit into size S diapers. Now everything turned upside down.

We had 12 days and I tried as much as I can to make the best of it. I sorted out 3 months of documents and mails that piled up in the back room. I settled bills, debts and summons. I dealt with bureaucracy. I had to send the infamous janda to yet another needed repairs… on a tow truck. I went back to my hometown for a day for my parents and brothers. I witnessed Bersih 2.0; no rewards for guessing where I stand on that matter. I took my family for a vacation in a cheap hotel and spent an entire day at a water park. I went to work but didn't really do any work at all. I went on a date with my wife like good old times, watching the epic ending of Harry Potter; of course I was actually WATCHING and being emotional while the missus barely kept her eyes open. Like good old times indeed. I had good food all the time.

I had 12 days, and 12 days passed soon enough.

Last week I journeyed 42 hours back to Maryland, USA. I’m kinda broke (as if I ever was not) and a little bit low-spirited. I missed my family the moment I stepped into the plane, yet the odd thing was that it also felt like coming back to another home.

Of course it’s easy to say that when you are living on company tab.

Big Apple: Tour de Manhattan... In 12 Hours! Believe It!

Tuesday’s Glee episode was about New York. It felt odd as I was just there last weekend. New York felt like a place I’ve always known but have never been to. How do you get to know a place so well yet never been there a day in your life? Well, Peter Parker lost Gwen Stacy on the George Washington Bridge, an event which changed an entire universe. King Kong ran rampage and swatted airplanes from the top of the Empire State Building. Mac Taylor fished out dead bodies from the bottom of the Hudson River. Barney Stinson picked up girls from JFK airport, what up! Anna announced the arrival of the Visitors on the screens of Times Square. John McLane, Agents J and K were all over the city chasing after bombs, bad guys… and aliens. Ross Geller, Ted Mosby and Jerry Seinfeld all had one same problem: driving and parking in New York. In the fabric of reality, Bon Jovi rocked the Madison Square Garden. David Copperfield made the entire Statue of Liberty vanish into thin air. And of course, the single event of 9/11 which destroyed the twin towers of the World Trade Center and changed the entire world.

Simply said, I grew up watching and reading New York. The opportunity to live and breathe New York finally came last weekend when my lunch buddy graciously volunteered to show me around town. I thought, well, if rapture was going to happen, I might as well be in New York City when it happened! Yeap, that weekend was rapture weekend but nobody seemed to give a damn. :)

We started off the journey after work on Friday, from Columbia, Maryland to Clinton, New Jersey where my tour guide was from. We had some unexpected detour on the way, fumbling over the roads in Pennsylvania. But it wasn’t a bad detour at all as for the first time I actually saw Amish people living among the modern civilization! Amish people are a group of Christians who virtually use no form of technology at all. They do not use electricity, and they travel around in buggies pulled by ponies and horses. They farm and harvest by hand. They only apple they are interested in are the edible ones. Admirable.

We drove next morning to Jersey City, and parked near Grove Station to take the Path train to New York. Any sane New Yorker would advise against driving in New York for obvious reasons; if you think traffic in Kuala Lumpur is bad, well, wait till you get caught in one in New York City. The Path train led us straight to our first spot, Ground Zero.

The actual Ground Zero was barred and fenced from the public as there were construction works going on there. There were tourists all around and most certainly everyone there were not locals so I fit right in. There was a steel cross built from pieces of the Twin Towers, shrines, flowers, and murals on the walls around the area commemorating those who died and survived 9-11. The mood all around was somber and we did not linger on any more than necessary.

We moved forward to Battery Park where there were ferries for visitors to the Statue of Liberty… IF one were willing to line up at least a mile long and wait at least 2 hours for his/her turn. I wasn’t, so I just picked a spot where I can see the green old lady, snapped some photos and videos, and decided to move on to the next spot.

Wall Street, here the world economy makes and breaks. To the uninitiated layman like me, Wall Street looked just like any other city streets. Of course behind the veil trillions of dollars flowed in and out every day! We passed by Trump building, the Federal Hall and NYSE, and got to Broadway. From Broadway, we walked to City Hall Park, and of course the City Hall where Mayor Michael Bloomberg served the city’s causes.

From that point onwards I got really excited as we head towards the Brooklyn Bridge. I was an avid fan of Spider-Man and had always thought that Brooklyn Bridge was where Norman Osborn killed Gwen Stacy. I discovered only recently that the event actually occurred on the George Washington Bridge! That discovery was like a blow to the integrity of my fandom but who cares, right? But anyway, the bridge was very familiar so it wasn’t a total loss.

From the Brooklyn Bridge we then head to Chinatown and Little Italy to visit my tour guide’s immediate kin. Some pointers to survive Chinatown: if you are not gonna buy it, do not ask about it. Keep your head straight and do not talk to people. Nothing personal, just how business worked there. Just in that short walk along the street I came across two incidences of arguing! It reminded me of the degenerative state of things at Petaling Street the last time I went there. It wasn’t pretty.

Little Italy was full of Italian restaurants on the sidewalks. From Little Italy we headed to Greenwich Village, where New York University is located. The attraction? Pretty, young, possibly partying-type college girls… and of course if you liked F.R.I.E.N.D.S, Central Perk was supposed to be somewhere there.

We had walked roughly 5 miles by then, and it was starting to rain so we took the Path train to Madison Square Garden. Pennsylvania Station was right under Madison Square Garden and from there people can get to JFK airport. I was thinking to go that route to send my family off in two weeks’ time.

Next stop was Times Square, which reminded me somewhat of a bigger and more advanced version of Bukit Bintang, with big screens on the buildings everywhere. In case of breaking news, all the screens there will immediately change and show it. We did not stay to see if rapture was really happening though.

From Times Square we passed by Bryant Park; apparently the pool there would be frozen during winter and people can ice-skate on it. We did not stop by as we were already feeling the exhaustion of walking the entire day and just wanted to get to our final destination: the Empire State Building.

I originally did not want to get on the observation deck on the 86^th floor of the building as it cost USD21 per person, but I thought, well, it was the only attraction that I would be paying for the day anyway so why not? Fans would note that Peter Parker, King Kong and Barney Stinson were native to the building for entirely different reasons. Alas, the line to go up lasted for about an hour! While up, I spent about 10 minutes to snap photos and videos, and then lined up another 15 minutes to get down. For USD21, I certainly do not want to do that again!

By the time we got down from the Empire State Building, it was already getting dark, so we decided to have dinner New York style. Pizza.

We then caught the train back to New Jersey, and by the time we reached home, it was almost midnight. We had walked about and spent an entire day on our feet. It was definitely a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and given the grounds we covered within 12 hours, it certainly earned us the bragging rights!

I would return, next time with my parents, wife and eldest, and there is no way I can walk them around Manhattan the way I did, but at least I would not be entirely clueless. I missed Central Park and the Statue of Liberty, and hopefully I can cover the two spots next time.

My family will be boarding the plane in about 4 hours, and they will be here within 48 hours. I can’t wait!

View Larger Map


View Larger Map

DC: Men Did Learn the Secrets of Flight from Dragons!

Yup, this is about my day 2 trip to DC. Scram now if this is not your thing :). Saturday yesterday was quite rainy yet I decided that I will not let it go to waste and made my second trip to DC. A Night at the Museum 2 was on TV today and as Ben Stiller walked across the Washington Mall in the movie, I thought to myself, “Hey I’ve been there just yesterday!” It was quite a thought.

I left early and reached DC at about 9 am. Google Navigation helped me find the National Geographic Society building, where I was to look for a 6 DVD set containing a collection of National Geographic magazines from 1988 to 2009 for my childhood best friend.  It was raining quite heavily then so I waited in the car until the rain subsided a bit. But unfortunately there, the supposed promotion on the item was over, so I decided to wait on it as I still have some time in the US.

Then I headed to the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum! You see, when I was a lot younger, one of my ambitions was to become a fighter jet pilot. I was very infatuated with aircrafts, collecting trump cards and reading all sorts of materials on them. My absolute favorite was the F-14 Tomcat, probably influenced by Tom Cruise’s Top Gun movie and the Veritech fighters of Macross. Don’t bother to understand that.  My father disapproved though, citing that “nanti orang mati ada kubur, awak mati takde kubur” (regular people have dead bodies to bury, but you may end up not having a body at all). Funny I still remember that xD.

But anyway, the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum was a very, very impressive place, and to think that admission and the exhibitions are free for public is simply amazing. It was not even 10am yet people were already lining up in front of the doors. Inside, there were all manners of REAL planes, space pods, jet engines, everything related to the history of air flight and space be they myth, fact, science or fiction. There was a rock from the moon that everyone can touch, space suits, the Wright brothers’ flying machine, missile heads, and weapons, things that in life I had only read and dreamed about. It was a very amazing and exhilarating experience! There were so much to do and so much to see, one can easily spend a day just to go around the entire museum! There were no real F-14s on display though, only small replicas, nor were there any credits to the dragon race for teaching men how to fly. Oh well.

After spending a few hours walking around, I finally decided to make my way out, and headed to the National Art Museum just across the street. I went in, enjoyed a few sculptures of naked women, saw an infamous painting of Napoleon Bonaparte, and then left. I guess art is just not my thing.

Then I decided that it’s time to visit the US Capitol. To the uninitiated, the Capitol is akin to our own Parliament building where laws are made and passed. I initially thought that visitors were not allowed to go in but was pleasantly surprised to find that I was just in time for a guided tour! I had to line up outside, go through metal detectors, line up again for free pass, and then started the tour with a 15-minutes short documentary titled E Pluribus Unum on the history of the USA. It was again very impressive and informative, and I was thinking about how we can do the same thing for our own country. But of course, the USA has been around for hundreds of years; it is very rich in history and very diverse in culture.

Visitors were then guided into the rotunda, a space right under the high central dome of the Capitol where there were 8 apparently very famous paintings, artworks on the wall and right on the dome itself; everything with their own meanings and interpretations of the history of the USA, explained by the tour guide. Lucky I had my video camera with me to capture that. Then we were shown a hall of statues, some more in depth explanations that I already forgot, and then the tour ended. There was an exhibition hall right under the basement but I had enough of history lessons for the day and decided to take the underground tunnel from the Capitol to the Library of Congress just across the street.

And the library was not as what I expected. Visitors were not allowed to enter the actual library but only allowed to view from a visitors viewing area. Photographs were not allowed. Visitors were only allowed to enter the Jefferson library, and again no photographs were allowed. There were exhibitions on the third floor on the early American history about the Indians, Incas and Mayans, and some stuff on US constitution, declaration of independence,  etc etc. As usual the walls and ceilings were full of artworks. I recalled some scenes from the movie National Treasure… maybe I should watch them again.

All in all I think I spent about 3 hours at the US Capitol and the Library of Congress, and by that time I decided to call it a day. It was about 4pm when I left DC and reached the hotel at about 5. I was lucky that it only rained heavily in the morning and only cloudy with slight drizzle onwards while I was indoors most of the time.

Marking my way on Google Maps indicated that I had walked about 3 miles which doesn’t include all the walking I did at the museum and the Capitol. I think I walked at least 5 miles.

I wish I could really fly.

View Larger Map

DC: Where the Hell Is the Dragon Memorial?

Saturday's weather forecast for DC indicated sun all day, and therefore I decided that it was probably a good time to make a trip to DC. Initially I was reluctant to go since Obama had just killed Osama earlier this week and I wouldn't want to be caught in any celebrations there. But then I decided what the hell.

So it took about an hour’s drive from Arundel Mills, Hanover to Washington DC. I reached the National Monument, or the ‘big’ stick’ as I like to call it, at about 12pm. I found a good parking space near Department of Agriculture, and started walking towards the big stick.

On the way I met a family from Philippines, who thought I was a Philippino. Well, that’s the second time for me. They were looking for the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum and I offered to look for it on my Atrix. Unfortunately the connection was too slow for me to get a good signal.

I continued walking to the big stick and there were a crowd waiting at the base. Ah damn. I didn’t know that we can actually ride an elevator in the structure all the way up! However some free tickets were required and there was a long queue so I decided to pass, maybe next time.

From the big stick I can see two very familiar structures; the Jefferson Memorial across a lake they call Tidal Basin, and the Lincoln Memorial across the infamous Reflecting Pool (which are in a total mess as a massive restoration project was going on courtesy of the Obama administration and the taxpayers’ money, of course).

I decided to go to the Jefferson Memorial first. Walked all the way around Tidal basin and met a Malaysian family in front of the building. There was a mother, a daughter who is a student in the US and a guy whom I would prefer to be the brother (but probably he is the boyfriend, damn). Since I look more like a Philippino, I decided to greet them first and we exchanged short forgettable conversations before I made my leave. No contact numbers xD.

Then I took the opposite route around Tidal Basin to make my way towards Lincoln Memorial. On the way I encountered some other stone structures and fountains, and many writings on the wall. I found out later that probably the place was Roosevelt Memorial.

I walked on and saw that Martin Luther King’s Memorial was closed for construction. I reached World War 2 Memorial, and then moved on towards Lincoln Memorial. Along the way the Reflecting Pool was all dirt and mud with tractors and heavy machines around. Not a pretty sight and I was quite disappointed as it was one of the attractions that I really wanted to see.

Lincoln Memorial was crowded with people.

I then looked for Albert Einstein Memorial, and after that made my way towards the ultimate goal: the White House. I stopped by at one of the stalls on the way for a slice of cheese pizza and iced tea. I found out later that one of the stalls had Kosher sausages, so I definitely will look for those next time.

On the way to Obama’s house, I passed by the Federal Reserves building where a guard yelled at me as apparently no one was allowed to get close. There goes my Italian Job moment lolxD.

I reached the back of the White House which I thought was the front, and was ready to call it quits but I noticed many people coming from the opposite side of the road. Then I saw a plaque marking the area as the White House’s kitchen garden! Thank God I did not just pack and leave!

On the way to the White House front, I passed the National Treasury and a Malaysian family from Penang by the way they speak, of course. I did not say hi (peh, sombong, mentang-mentang takde anak dara!! Hahaha).

And there was a commotion in front of the White House! There were several protestors, a majority of them Syrian by the way they screamed “Free Syria”, and another group of Iraqis. There was a lone black man preaching Christianity through a loudspeaker, and another man trying to sell paper banners written by hand. The one he held was written “Bin Laden Was Right. We Are Half Wrong.” On another corner was a shrine of some sort to protest on nuclear weapons.

It was not the least bit scary at all, in fact it was somewhat amusing. There were two patrol cars and a few policemen just observing. I immediately thought, if this were to happen in Malaysia, each and every one of them would probably end up in jail for at least a few days if they were lucky, in ISA if they were not.

After lingering for some time, I finally decided that I have had enough. It was already over 4 pm and I dragged my sore legs back to where my car was parked, and on the way caught a glimpse of the Capitol building in the distance. For next time.

I turned on Google Navigation and looked for Malaysia Kopitiam, but was disappointed that it was more a bar than a kopitiam. Ordered Char Kuey Teow and hot tea (the tarik tarak), and wondered why the waitress cum tauke seemed a little bit hostile. Could she be bearing some old grudge over Bumiputeras or something? Either way, I will not be coming back anytime soon, not for the food nor for the service.

Finally I made my way back to Arundel Mills and spent some time uploading photos on Facebook.

The Washington Mall is a huge huge area full of memorials, museums and attractions. There is no way anyone can cover all attractions in one day on foot. I decided that I definitely will have to come again for a ride on the big stick (you read that right lolxD), visit the Capitol Hill and the various Smithsonian museums.

I marked my way on Google Maps, and it told me that I had walked about 7 miles, that’s around 11 kms, and walking non-stop would have taken me about 2.5 hours. I took about 4 hours, time accounted for snapping photos and videos.

View Larger Map

I think they should call that big statue at Kek Lok Si, Penang the Kuan-Yin Memorial. ;-)

Image: Of Terrorists, Pacifists, and Identity Crisis

I woke up earlier this week to the news of Osama Bin Laden’s death; killed, to those in jubilation, murdered, to those in retaliation. I’m not writing another piece on Osama when it will fall short against the likes of Syed Akbar Ali (who always write brilliant things except for when he goes on Anwar-is-the-devil-incarnate mode) and Marina Mahathir (who actually copy-pasted 2 very well written articles). I was actually looking forward to Friday to see if the khutbah will be about him though.

It was not. In fact it was better than that. The khutbah was about peace, and how much love Allah has for His creations. It was a very good sermon and very refreshing to my mind that are used to sleeping over regulated text-reading khutbah back home.

And thus I wondered about the image of a typical Muslim to a typical American. At the office, I’m the only Muslim around. I have no idea how many there are actually aware of this fact since it appears to me that even to my small team, I seem to be known as someone who always ordered seafood. Whether they knew the reason behind is not important to me as long as they pick a place where I can actually order something to eat.

I do not keep long beards as they never seem to grow in the right places to be neat. My crazy bullpen cum lunch partner made some Al-Qaeda jokes over the week and I made fun on Americans and their penchant for violence (they should stay away from Malaysia; we don’t have much oil left). He should be the President of the US and I should be an Al-Qaeda leader so we can be friends and the world can be a happier place. I declined invitations to bars. I do not drink, I do not gamble, and I don’t do drugs. I explicitly look for Halal food. Other than that, I am just like any other ordinary American.

The mainstream image of a typical Muslim is marred with violence associated with just one man, when the entire foundation of Islam is of peace. It is somewhat frustrating that with just one misunderstood label the casual Muslim image transforms into a gun-toting-turban-wearing-suicide-bombing Al-Qaeda jihadist. At the mosque today, only one brother was wearing a turban. The rest looks like any ordinary person, wearing work shirts, t-shirts, one even sporting a chain around his neck. In Malaysia people will look at the chain sideways, but here, he is just another Muslim brother.

Back home, the Malay Muslims are so confused about who and what Muslims are as aptly written by Art Harun, that we arrogantly call ourselves the gold standard of being a Muslim while ironically we have among the worst standard of human rights, corruption and media freedom. There’s only image with very little essence, and no substance.

My wife was asked by one of her non-Muslim friends, whether or not Malaysian Muslims see Osama as a hero. What the hell is that? Do you ask Germans if they think Adolf Hitler was a hero? Do you ask the Chinese if they think Mao Tze Tung was a hero? The question was very insensitive and ignorant coming from a fellow Malaysian, but that’s the image.

Meanwhile, as Osama was unceremoniously put to rest as fish food somewhere in the vast ocean, Obama’s image was proven to be just as another typical American President.

God helps us all.

Trace: Is there no Malaysians at all in Columbia, MD?

Being the only one of my kind in a foreign land is an amazing experience. Well, yeah it felt kinda lonely at first but for socially awkward and privately private type of animal that I am, it’s almost perfect. It’s an 8, and if I can have my dragon clan here with me it would be a 9. As a lawyer told me, nothing in the world is a 10 because nothing is perfect.

But yeah, I get to go where I want, do as I want, when I want and as I want. Nobody gets in my face, and mostly people here are all smiles. The only person I really talk to right now are office mates especially this hilariously crazy New Yorker who cracks jokes all the time.

It has been about 3 weeks since I left the land of everything Boleh. I pretty much had covered everything necessary for me to make a living here except finding a mosque and Solat Jumaat… until yesterday. It was my second attempt at going for Solat Jumaat; the first one was last week but the road was blocked by some kind of accident which forced all the cars in the direction of the mosque to make a U-turn.

You see, for the big 3 Abrahamic religions, Christians convene on Sundays, Jews on Saturdays and Muslims we get Fridays (Fridays = Jumaat [hekleh Ajie perasan macam ada mat saleh baca blog dia kahkahkah]). I’m not sure about the other 2 but for a Muslim male we cannot PURPOSELY miss 3 Jumaats which kinda remind me of a joke back in secondary school.

Back then, some time before our big national exams (SPM), there were recruiters and speakers coming to highlight scholarships and career opportunities at their respective companies. One of them was from our national airline company, who told us that they had a special program to train pilots somewhere I can’t remember local or abroad. The location of this special school seems to be a bit isolated from civilization, and thus somebody from our crowd asked, “If the place is isolated, how do we go to Solat Jumaat?”… and the rep responded, “Don’t worry we’ll have shuttles every 3 weeks…”. It was hilarious, the arrangement was bordering on the 3 Jumaats rule, cukup cukup syarat tak jatuh kafir xD (well it was funny to me so who cares if you are laughing or not :p ).

Ok enough of that, so yesterday, I finally was successful in getting to the mosque, Dar al-Taqwa. I found it via Zabihah (travelling Muslims around the world, this web page is A MUST, there’s even an app for it on Android market and the other rotten fruit gadget thingy). I choose this mosque among others around because it is multi-cultural and the sermons delivered in English. Parking was a bit far from the actual mosque compound because apparently there was a COURT-ORDER disallowing patrons of the mosque from parking on the roadsides. There were policemen controlling the traffic too. So I had to park at a designated parking space further up, and there was a shuttle van going to and from the mosque.

And yep, multicultural it was. There were 3 safs (rows) of people of all sorts of colors probably from any given part of the world, and yeap I did crane my neck to see if there was anybody even resembling a Malaysian. There weren’t any. I was the only one. I have at least another 8 Jumaats to find out though.

So, I wondered… I CAN’T be the only Malaysian in Columbia, MD, can I? From Google search I can find traces of Malaysian-ness  in neighboring Washington, DC where there seems to be Malaysian restaurants, expats and migrates. But try Google “Malaysians in Columbia, MD” or “… in Baltimore” and the nearest point that Google will show you would still be in DC.

And that’s why I’m writing this explicitly stating “Malaysians” and “Columbia, MD” in the title so that any clueless Malaysians in Columbia would somehow find me and we can somehow be clueless together. If that clueless person happens to be a young single gullible available female rich male no matter single, double, available, non-available, dragonputera or of whatever racial ethnic demographic fantastic, she he would be lucky to have me to SHOW her him around wouldn’t she he? Vice versa.

Until then I consider myself the bearer of the Malaysian flag here in Columbia, Maryland. Find me, fellow brothers and sisters of Bolehland!! All sorts of crap may be happening at home, but here who cares if you are a son-of-the-soil or a son-of-a-bitch?

Lost: A Clueless Dragon in Baltimore, MD

After contemplating on whether I should just fork out USD100+ for a GPS unit or USD60 for a prepaid phone line with data plan, I finally decided to go with the bloody prepaid. And damn well I did, because Google Maps with Navigation is kicking Garmin, TomTom, Papago and whatever dedicated GPS out there in their hinds! The only drawback is that it gobbles up quite a lot of data, and I have a feeling that getting it to navigate to New York would most probably use up the 100MB data limit.

And with Google Navigation my confidence in driving around increased ten-folds, and so I decided to drive myself about 20 miles to the city of Baltimore. Baltimore is a seaport city, and it turns out that it is actually one of the largest cities in the US. Hence one couldn’t blame me if I find the place rather intimidating at first. Well, imagine yourself a clueless Indonesian just fresh out of the boat, and you had to navigate yourself in the city of Kuala Lumpur…

And thus I restricted my plan to just the Inner Harbor, arguably the most popular tourist spot around. Google Maps took me to a parking lot called Pier V, and there was plenty of space. And I soon would know why.

I got out at 1245, and I started walking around the harbor snapping pictures from my trusty Atrix. Seriously, the Motorola Atrix has got to be the best piece of technology I ever bought! It is practically the Swiss-Army knife of gadgets unlike a certain overpriced rotten fruit thingy which seems to work best on Angry Birds and little else. xD

It then started to rain lightly. I wouldn’t bother detailing what I did or where I went to, suffice to say that I walked as far as my legs could take me, saw whatever it was there is to see, snap pictures wherever I thought my wife would want me to, went to the Gallery (shopping place, what else?),looked around, had lunch, and walk some more. Awek awek US ni boleh tahan gak... yums lolxD.

It was almost 1500 hours when I decided I have seen enough and I dragged my tired feet back to the parking lot. I inserted the bloody ticket and voila… USD20!!! Holly effing crap, Batman! No wonder the bloody parking lot was half empty; nobody in their right mind would pay USD20 for 3-hours of parking! Turn out that USD20 is the flat rate for 24-hours of parking. Oh well, bloody hell.

I bought 2 slices of cheese pizzas for dinner, and then retreated back to my lair dungeon room. Tomorrow is Easter Sunday, and I have a feeling that Monday is a public holiday, but I’m not sure yet too proud to ask. I guess I’ll just get to the office on Monday and go home if there’s no one around. Right now I just want to finish this entry, lie down and enjoy the bloody TV until my wife and kids wake up on the opposite side of the world for our daily Skype routine.

But seriously, USD20 for parking?? God… I should give myself a kick in the butt.

Awkward: A Lost Dragon On American Soil

3 decades ago I was hatched  born in West Virginia, USA. I did not stay long. My parents were students back then, so I was still red and tender when they shipped me back to my grands in Malaysia. Ever since then I was raised a Malaysian. I lived a Malaysian life. I favor spicy food. I speak Manglish. I am as Malaysian as any Malaysian can be, even if the system never allowed me to forget that I was born an alien. People get curious on why my birth certificate was big and green, or why my national ID code is “-71-“.

Hence going to the US had been a lifelong dream. They say opportunities don’t knock twice, but in my case opportunities have a knack of knocking at my door and then ran away laughing when I opened them… until last month. It was a three-month assignment to the East-coast of the USA, and the site I was sent to was within driving distance to West Virginia. I jumped at the opportunity, and preparations were made in a rush due to the short notice.

Travelling took about 30 hours, and by the time I arrived at the airport, I had to drive myself to the hotel which was supposed to be about 30 minutes away. I took 2 hours. Driving left-hand side was not so bad though.

Weather is fine at this point of year. Summer is just around the corner, and flowers are blooming everywhere. There’s sun, and cool dry wind, temperature is just below 20 degrees Celcius. A mall is just within walking distance and I work around getting Halal-food. I spent most of these two days of the weekend holed up in my room, be online and chat with my wife just like old times (lol).

I look forward to the weekend where I plan to drive all the way to New York, and the weekend where my wife, parents and eldest son will be coming over and we’ll be on a trip to West Virginia. I imagine that being me, I will not be going around much without company.

I’m alone, lonely, and the euphoria of travelling to this foreign land is dying down. Tomorrow I will start work. I have yet to look for a mosque around here for Friday sermons. I’m feeling a lot of things at the same time, but one thing is certain; I bloody miss my family. So damn much that if I let my mind wander around in the quiet of the night, if I can have it any other way I would be on the next plane home just to give them a bloody hug.

A dragon who is hard outside, soft and squishy inside? I might as well be a cockroach.

Car Trouble: The Mystery of the Draining Battery, SOLVED! (I hope)

A YOUNG working class with a growing family has no business spending hard earned money on an inflated-priced RM150k 7-seater which will deteriorate in value over time, hence my decision to buy a sub-RM50k, used Chevrolet Nabira 2.2  two years ago. The car was about 5 years old back then. One should always understand that maintenance cost is part and parcel of owning a used car. The fact is cars are mechanical ‘beings’, and mechanical parts break down on wear and tear over time. However for me, the more frustrating break downs are caused by electrical failures because unfortunately they are not so easily detected from visual inspection alone.

Over the course of 2 years owning the Nabira, it had broken down a number of times due to battery drain; the first time was thought to be normal since the battery came together with the car, second was thought to be due to battery fault so I claimed warranty for the battery, and yet after the third time I finally surrendered. Something was bloody wrong with the car.

At first, I went to a stupid wireman who simply looked around the engine compartment, touched the battery and then blamed the in-car DVD/media player I installed very recently before that. “The player short circuited your wiring”, he said. Wait what? He can tell just by looking? Must be X-ray vision. But since I’m not exactly car-savvy, I heeded his advice and went on to remove the player. The next morning the battery died again.

After asking around I went to a smarter, more reputable wireman who actually knows his stuff. His diagnosis: not short circuit nor leaking current but the car had weak battery charging due to a deteriorating alternator (bodoh punya first wireman, nasib baik free! X-ray vision konon poodah!). This caused the battery to drain faster than it could be recharged by the alternator. Finally a step in the right direction! Alternator was replaced and I was happy.

3 months after (which was just two days ago!) the battery went dead again and I finally called the car ‘Babira’ in frustration.

Back at my regular workshop the 3 months old alternator which was still under warranty was pulled out for testing. Results showed that it was working like it was supposed to so the fault was no longer on the alternator. On further inspection, it was discovered that on cold start, the battery meter used by the mechanic indicated ‘Green’ (meaning OK la) but dropped to ‘Red’ (obviously KO) when all accessories (air-cond, head lights, radio) were turned on. Once the engine warmed up, everything went down to ‘Red’. So who or what could be causing this weird current drop? Toyol? Penanggal? Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam? Edward Cullen (God forbid)?

The fault was found to be the most unbelievable for me (at least); a short circuit in ‘Positive (+Ve)’ battery terminal. Apparently, the thick cable connecting to the positive terminal had melted/damaged/whatever from the inside, causing short circuit and kick-back current, therefore electrical current from the battery was wasted on heating up the terminal instead of circulating thus weakening battery recharging. (I know many of you will probably read this once, twice, thrice and still don’t get it muahaha)

So remember, if your battery drained out faster than it should, most likely your alternator is indicating EOL (End-Of-Life). If the battery terminals heat up and burn your fingers, castrate (!!) and replace them immediately. The battery meter used by your mechanic should point to ‘Green’ at all times even with everything turned on full blast. Make sure of this or you will end up having a dead car again in no time.

I bloody love the Babira Nabira; SHE is like an insolent child. She may spit in my face but I still love her nevertheless. xD

Next: Where in hell did all the engine oil drained to?? I’ll be damned.

Women: From the Point-of-View of Matrim Cauthon

Below is the opening for Chapter 20 in book 12 of Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series, "The Gathering Storm". It is a hilariously funny conversation between Mat Cauthon, one of the central figures in the books and Talmanes, his right-hand-man. Women, please do not take offense; the poor guy was just tired of being bullied LOLxD...


"Women," Mat declared as he rode Pips down the dusty, little-used road, "are like mules." He frowned. "Wait. No. Goats. Women are like goats. Except every flaming one thinks she's a horse instead, and a prize racing mare to boot. Do you understand me, Talmanes?"
"Pure poetry, Mat," Talmanes said, tamping the tabac down into his pipe.
Mat flicked his reins, Pips continuing to plod along. Tall three-needle pines lined the sides of the stone roadway. They'd been lucky to find this ancient road, which must have been made before the Breaking. It was mostly overgrown, the stones shattered in many places, large sections of the roadway just . . . well, just gone.
Sapling pines had begun to sprout at the sides of the roadway and between rocks, miniature versions of
their towering fathers above. The path was wide, if very rough, which was good. Mat had seven thousand men with him, all mounted, and they'd been riding hard in the little under a week they'd spent traveling since sending Tuon back to Ebou Dar.
"Reasoning with a woman is impossible," Mat continued, eyes forward. "It's like . . . Well, reasoning with a woman is like sitting down to a friendly game of dice. Only the woman refuses to acknowledge the basic bloody rules of the game. A man, he'll cheat you—but he'll do it honestly. He'll use loaded dice, so that you think you're losing by chance. And if you aren't clever enough to spot what he's doing, then maybe he deserves to take your coin. And that's that.
"A woman, though, she'll sit down to that same game and she'll smile, and act like she's going to play. Only when it's her turn to throw, she'll toss a pair of her own dice that are blank on all six sides. Not a single pip showing. She'll inspect her throw, then she'll look up at you and say, 'Clearly I just won.'
"Now, you'll scratch your head and look at the dice. Then you'll look up at her, then down at the dice again. 'But there aren't any pips on these dice,' you'll say." 
'Yes there are,' she'll say. 'And both dice rolled a one.'
" 'That's exactly the number you need to win,' you'll say.
" 'What a coincidence,' she'll reply, then begin to scoop up your coins. And you'll sit there, trying to wrap your head bout what just happened. And you'll realize something. A pair of ones isn't the winning throw! Not when you threw a six on your turn. That means she needed a pair of twos instead! Excitedly, you'll explain what you've discovered. Only then, do you know what she'll do?"
"No idea, Mat," Talmanes replied, chewing on his pipe, a thin wisp of smoke curling out of the bowl.
"Then she'll reach over," Mat said, "and rub the blank faces of her dice. And then, with a perfectly straight face, she'll say, 'I'm sorry. There was a spot of dirt on the dice. Clearly you can see that they actually came up as twos!' And she'll believe it. She'll bloody believe it!"
"Incredible," Talmanes said.
"Only that's not the end of it!"
"I had presumed that it wouldn't be, Mat."
"She scoops up all of your coins," Mat said, gesturing with one hand, the other steadying his ashandarei across his saddle. "And then every other woman in the room will come over and congratulate her on throwing that pair of twos! The more you complain, the more of those bloody women will join the argument. You'll be outnumbered in a moment, and each of those women will explain to you how those dice clearly read twos, and how you really need to stop behaving like a child. Every single flaming one of them will see the twos! Even the prudish woman who has hated your woman from birth—since your woman's granny stole the other woman's granny's honeycake recipe when they were both maids—that woman will side against you."
"They are nefarious creatures indeed," Talmanes said, voice flat and even. Talmanes rarely smiled.
"By the time they're done," Mat continued, almost more to himself, "you'll be left with no coin, several lists' worth of errands to run and what clothing to wear and a splitting headache. You'll sit there and stare at the table and begin to wonder, just maybe, if those dice didn't read twos after all. If only to preserve what's left of your sanity. That's what it's like to reason with a woman, I tell you."
"And you did so. At length,"
"You aren't making a sport of me, are you?
"Why, Mat!" the Cairhienin said. "You know I'd never do such a thing."
"Too bad," Mat muttered, glancing at him suspiciously. "I could use a laugh."