My last post in this space was almost a year ago so I might as well write my usual year-end-piece today while I still feel like it.
2013 had generally been a half-half. The most significant change would be my weight loss and somewhat healthi'er' lifestyle; '-er' as it could actually be better but anyway, I lost a total of 20kg in the span of about 6 months, now fitting into smallest adult size T's and pants (and largest kids size, seriously!). Unfortunately, my newly-found shape-shifting power came with a price, literally, that I had to spend a fortune in new wardrobe because my old clothes made me look as good as a sack of potatoes.
I thought about writing all of it down but I figured the world doesn't need another freaking health tip that spells the obvious. I think, in this age of information, if you are too fat to even look them up yourselves then the problem is with you, not your weight.
2013 had generally been a half-half. The most significant change would be my weight loss and somewhat healthi'er' lifestyle; '-er' as it could actually be better but anyway, I lost a total of 20kg in the span of about 6 months, now fitting into smallest adult size T's and pants (and largest kids size, seriously!). Unfortunately, my newly-found shape-shifting power came with a price, literally, that I had to spend a fortune in new wardrobe because my old clothes made me look as good as a sack of potatoes.
I thought about writing all of it down but I figured the world doesn't need another freaking health tip that spells the obvious. I think, in this age of information, if you are too fat to even look them up yourselves then the problem is with you, not your weight.
Malaysia's 13th General Election came and went. The same shitty government is still in place, no point of me sugar-coating what I feel about that. Ever since they maintained power, 'Rakyat Didahulukan' (People First) had taken a back seat. Cost of living had risen up by folds in just the span of a few months. As always, the middle class is taking the full brunt. Here we have a great country with great resources, governed by mules and dinosaurs voted in by sheep. It's frustrating. Depressing. Demoralising. Oh well, writing about that alone would need another post by itself.
More significantly this year had been a journey of self-discovery. I think I understand a little bit more about myself now. A lot of things came into perspective together with the change of my lifestyle. Something along the way changed my thought process. I'm in better shape now than I was even 10 years back. I'm clearer on what I want in life and took actions towards getting there. Failure no longer bother me as much, at least for self-impacting decisions. I still maintain a pretty conservative stand where family is concerned, though, hence I'm still likely to be staying where I am now in that respect for the security. Safety net.
I took a course recently on understanding why people behave the way they do by examining their culture. I concluded then that I am one who operates outside of my culture. A rebel if you must say. I deemed myself 'Americanized'; of course I have people looking at me sideways for that. (American, konon...) But that has nothing to do with the fact of my birth, just everything to do with life influences that determined my decisions on various turns of opportunities, leading to experiences that shaped up my opinions. It so happened that the root of it all, 'influences', for me, were quite American, be they my American-educated parents (yeap!), the books I read, the TVs and movies I watched, the literatures I grew up with... The citizenship is just icing on the cake, a free ticket for me to say "Yeah f**k you, I'm leaving" to Ibrahim Ali-types out there. And yeah, leaving actually is easier said than done. It is an option, but not without the correct variables in place.
Some events in the past made sense now more than ever before. I looked back to many key events that would have turned my life in very different directions had I chosen or acted differently. Hindsight gets me frustrated at times, but I kept telling myself to not dwell in regret. Things happen for divine reasons because I believe God meant for everyone to be exactly where we are to serve a higher purpose.
I discovered things about how others perceive me in different relationships and social circles. I may had been too loud and brash when I thought I was being funny. I was maybe a little bit charming when I thought I was shy. I know some people looked up to me when I wasn't worth it, some looked down on me when I didn't deserve it. I mattered, and then I didn't.
I came to terms with my own rebellious nature. It used to bother me that I'm not part of the crowd. I accept now that it is OK to be the black sheep. To have a different opinion. I get that I can be a part of a team while being apart from the team. It's OK, to be a little bit introverted, even a little bit anti-social. To be uncomfortable around people I'm not familiar with, even people I'm familiar with. It's OK. I can't please everyone, nor can I be politically correct all the time. And that's the American in me talking (sneers all around!).
Simply said now, life means different things to me. I'm maybe a bit more cynical, more sceptical, more self-centred. Probably a little bit annoyingly philosophical. But I know I mattered to the people who mattered most. I'm not selfish, nor am I irresponsible. I simply get better at being myself.
Because ultimately nobody can stop the force of nature.
