Awkward: A Lost Dragon On American Soil

3 decades ago I was hatched  born in West Virginia, USA. I did not stay long. My parents were students back then, so I was still red and tender when they shipped me back to my grands in Malaysia. Ever since then I was raised a Malaysian. I lived a Malaysian life. I favor spicy food. I speak Manglish. I am as Malaysian as any Malaysian can be, even if the system never allowed me to forget that I was born an alien. People get curious on why my birth certificate was big and green, or why my national ID code is “-71-“.

Hence going to the US had been a lifelong dream. They say opportunities don’t knock twice, but in my case opportunities have a knack of knocking at my door and then ran away laughing when I opened them… until last month. It was a three-month assignment to the East-coast of the USA, and the site I was sent to was within driving distance to West Virginia. I jumped at the opportunity, and preparations were made in a rush due to the short notice.

Travelling took about 30 hours, and by the time I arrived at the airport, I had to drive myself to the hotel which was supposed to be about 30 minutes away. I took 2 hours. Driving left-hand side was not so bad though.

Weather is fine at this point of year. Summer is just around the corner, and flowers are blooming everywhere. There’s sun, and cool dry wind, temperature is just below 20 degrees Celcius. A mall is just within walking distance and I work around getting Halal-food. I spent most of these two days of the weekend holed up in my room, be online and chat with my wife just like old times (lol).

I look forward to the weekend where I plan to drive all the way to New York, and the weekend where my wife, parents and eldest son will be coming over and we’ll be on a trip to West Virginia. I imagine that being me, I will not be going around much without company.

I’m alone, lonely, and the euphoria of travelling to this foreign land is dying down. Tomorrow I will start work. I have yet to look for a mosque around here for Friday sermons. I’m feeling a lot of things at the same time, but one thing is certain; I bloody miss my family. So damn much that if I let my mind wander around in the quiet of the night, if I can have it any other way I would be on the next plane home just to give them a bloody hug.

A dragon who is hard outside, soft and squishy inside? I might as well be a cockroach.

Car Trouble: The Mystery of the Draining Battery, SOLVED! (I hope)

A YOUNG working class with a growing family has no business spending hard earned money on an inflated-priced RM150k 7-seater which will deteriorate in value over time, hence my decision to buy a sub-RM50k, used Chevrolet Nabira 2.2  two years ago. The car was about 5 years old back then. One should always understand that maintenance cost is part and parcel of owning a used car. The fact is cars are mechanical ‘beings’, and mechanical parts break down on wear and tear over time. However for me, the more frustrating break downs are caused by electrical failures because unfortunately they are not so easily detected from visual inspection alone.

Over the course of 2 years owning the Nabira, it had broken down a number of times due to battery drain; the first time was thought to be normal since the battery came together with the car, second was thought to be due to battery fault so I claimed warranty for the battery, and yet after the third time I finally surrendered. Something was bloody wrong with the car.

At first, I went to a stupid wireman who simply looked around the engine compartment, touched the battery and then blamed the in-car DVD/media player I installed very recently before that. “The player short circuited your wiring”, he said. Wait what? He can tell just by looking? Must be X-ray vision. But since I’m not exactly car-savvy, I heeded his advice and went on to remove the player. The next morning the battery died again.

After asking around I went to a smarter, more reputable wireman who actually knows his stuff. His diagnosis: not short circuit nor leaking current but the car had weak battery charging due to a deteriorating alternator (bodoh punya first wireman, nasib baik free! X-ray vision konon poodah!). This caused the battery to drain faster than it could be recharged by the alternator. Finally a step in the right direction! Alternator was replaced and I was happy.

3 months after (which was just two days ago!) the battery went dead again and I finally called the car ‘Babira’ in frustration.

Back at my regular workshop the 3 months old alternator which was still under warranty was pulled out for testing. Results showed that it was working like it was supposed to so the fault was no longer on the alternator. On further inspection, it was discovered that on cold start, the battery meter used by the mechanic indicated ‘Green’ (meaning OK la) but dropped to ‘Red’ (obviously KO) when all accessories (air-cond, head lights, radio) were turned on. Once the engine warmed up, everything went down to ‘Red’. So who or what could be causing this weird current drop? Toyol? Penanggal? Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam? Edward Cullen (God forbid)?

The fault was found to be the most unbelievable for me (at least); a short circuit in ‘Positive (+Ve)’ battery terminal. Apparently, the thick cable connecting to the positive terminal had melted/damaged/whatever from the inside, causing short circuit and kick-back current, therefore electrical current from the battery was wasted on heating up the terminal instead of circulating thus weakening battery recharging. (I know many of you will probably read this once, twice, thrice and still don’t get it muahaha)

So remember, if your battery drained out faster than it should, most likely your alternator is indicating EOL (End-Of-Life). If the battery terminals heat up and burn your fingers, castrate (!!) and replace them immediately. The battery meter used by your mechanic should point to ‘Green’ at all times even with everything turned on full blast. Make sure of this or you will end up having a dead car again in no time.

I bloody love the Babira Nabira; SHE is like an insolent child. She may spit in my face but I still love her nevertheless. xD

Next: Where in hell did all the engine oil drained to?? I’ll be damned.

Women: From the Point-of-View of Matrim Cauthon

Below is the opening for Chapter 20 in book 12 of Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series, "The Gathering Storm". It is a hilariously funny conversation between Mat Cauthon, one of the central figures in the books and Talmanes, his right-hand-man. Women, please do not take offense; the poor guy was just tired of being bullied LOLxD...


"Women," Mat declared as he rode Pips down the dusty, little-used road, "are like mules." He frowned. "Wait. No. Goats. Women are like goats. Except every flaming one thinks she's a horse instead, and a prize racing mare to boot. Do you understand me, Talmanes?"
"Pure poetry, Mat," Talmanes said, tamping the tabac down into his pipe.
Mat flicked his reins, Pips continuing to plod along. Tall three-needle pines lined the sides of the stone roadway. They'd been lucky to find this ancient road, which must have been made before the Breaking. It was mostly overgrown, the stones shattered in many places, large sections of the roadway just . . . well, just gone.
Sapling pines had begun to sprout at the sides of the roadway and between rocks, miniature versions of
their towering fathers above. The path was wide, if very rough, which was good. Mat had seven thousand men with him, all mounted, and they'd been riding hard in the little under a week they'd spent traveling since sending Tuon back to Ebou Dar.
"Reasoning with a woman is impossible," Mat continued, eyes forward. "It's like . . . Well, reasoning with a woman is like sitting down to a friendly game of dice. Only the woman refuses to acknowledge the basic bloody rules of the game. A man, he'll cheat you—but he'll do it honestly. He'll use loaded dice, so that you think you're losing by chance. And if you aren't clever enough to spot what he's doing, then maybe he deserves to take your coin. And that's that.
"A woman, though, she'll sit down to that same game and she'll smile, and act like she's going to play. Only when it's her turn to throw, she'll toss a pair of her own dice that are blank on all six sides. Not a single pip showing. She'll inspect her throw, then she'll look up at you and say, 'Clearly I just won.'
"Now, you'll scratch your head and look at the dice. Then you'll look up at her, then down at the dice again. 'But there aren't any pips on these dice,' you'll say." 
'Yes there are,' she'll say. 'And both dice rolled a one.'
" 'That's exactly the number you need to win,' you'll say.
" 'What a coincidence,' she'll reply, then begin to scoop up your coins. And you'll sit there, trying to wrap your head bout what just happened. And you'll realize something. A pair of ones isn't the winning throw! Not when you threw a six on your turn. That means she needed a pair of twos instead! Excitedly, you'll explain what you've discovered. Only then, do you know what she'll do?"
"No idea, Mat," Talmanes replied, chewing on his pipe, a thin wisp of smoke curling out of the bowl.
"Then she'll reach over," Mat said, "and rub the blank faces of her dice. And then, with a perfectly straight face, she'll say, 'I'm sorry. There was a spot of dirt on the dice. Clearly you can see that they actually came up as twos!' And she'll believe it. She'll bloody believe it!"
"Incredible," Talmanes said.
"Only that's not the end of it!"
"I had presumed that it wouldn't be, Mat."
"She scoops up all of your coins," Mat said, gesturing with one hand, the other steadying his ashandarei across his saddle. "And then every other woman in the room will come over and congratulate her on throwing that pair of twos! The more you complain, the more of those bloody women will join the argument. You'll be outnumbered in a moment, and each of those women will explain to you how those dice clearly read twos, and how you really need to stop behaving like a child. Every single flaming one of them will see the twos! Even the prudish woman who has hated your woman from birth—since your woman's granny stole the other woman's granny's honeycake recipe when they were both maids—that woman will side against you."
"They are nefarious creatures indeed," Talmanes said, voice flat and even. Talmanes rarely smiled.
"By the time they're done," Mat continued, almost more to himself, "you'll be left with no coin, several lists' worth of errands to run and what clothing to wear and a splitting headache. You'll sit there and stare at the table and begin to wonder, just maybe, if those dice didn't read twos after all. If only to preserve what's left of your sanity. That's what it's like to reason with a woman, I tell you."
"And you did so. At length,"
"You aren't making a sport of me, are you?
"Why, Mat!" the Cairhienin said. "You know I'd never do such a thing."
"Too bad," Mat muttered, glancing at him suspiciously. "I could use a laugh."