Memories: Remembering, Finding and Ultimately Losing

In my last post I mentioned how I recently got in touch with old friends from 18 years ago on Facebook. Today I uploaded a photo of myself and a boy. His name was Azwanisham. It is one of only 3 photos I still have in my possession from those times. A few hours later one of those who knew him posted a comment; Azwanisham passed away last year, apparently due to high fever.

I don't particularly remember any memories with him. I don't remember if we were close; I don't think so, but I'm quite sure we were at least on civil terms. I vaguely remember him as being active in football, his mannerisms and he gives me the impression of being one of the more... 'adventurous' type.

However, I do remember the day we took that photo. I believe it was one of the final days of school. Evening session was for Sekolah Agama. I wasn't even wearing my proper baju melayu and kain samping in the photo; perhaps because nobody cared since school was almost over, or perhaps I was already 'King' of the school and rules didn't apply (darjah 6 kira King la :) ). He wasn't even wearing baju melayu; perhaps he never enrolled, or perhaps he skipped school, who knows.

I remember him carrying a camera when he approached me outside class. Of course I don't remember the conversation, but he insisted that I take off my songkok and put on the red cap. I don't remember who took the photo or if the camera was on auto; but he picked the nearest mural on that wall as the background, put one arm around me, and then snap.

I don't know why the news of his passing affected me the way it did. Perhaps because the news is a black mark against my recent joy of re-discovering the links to my childhood life; perhaps because every time I found the photo stashed in my old box of collections over the years it always felt like I will somehow somewhere be seeing him again some time; or perhaps because his passing is another entry in my list after arwahs Orneck, Ayah Ngah, Atuk, Pak Mat, and Masdar; all those I personally knew who left the world during my adulthood. There's a sense of dread and helplessness towards the inevitable and for Azwanisham, somewhere deep inside me a child grieves.

All year this year among ourselves we discussed childhood memories; of games we played, of places we used to hang out at, of teachers, friends and people we remembered and forgotten. I remember Azwanisham in some of the conversations. Perhaps that's why it felt like we actually knew him more than we gave ourselves credit for.

Memories. You don't what you are missing until it is lost to you. Al-Fatihah.

2010: The Year of Social Networking Mania

It is year end again. I started this blog on Oct 2, 2006 and now it's already end of 2010. Time flies.

I turned 30 a few days ago. Naturally quarter-life crisis kicked in. One can yap and crap all about syukur (being grateful) and rezeki, but really, in reality who will not at least be a tiny wee bit curious, wondering if that Joe (bukan nama sebenar) from Facebook is actually making more money living a better life? He doesn't seem to have an actual job; he travels the world, has the latest smartphone, and owns a dream house and a dream car... Even his wife doesn't seem to mind him not being around all the time. We envy Joe, and we wonder, how the hell is Joe doing it?

And for that I curse Facebook.

2010 has been good for Facebook. Facebook brings up the best and the worst in people. Nowadays we don't really know someone until we see his/her activities on Facebook. People say all sort of damning things behind the comfort of a computer that they will not dare say out loud to your face. There are all sorts of annoying people on Facebook... the closets, the snobs, the whiners, the braggarts, the assholes, the pious (ustaz instant) etc etc... you name it. Though for me three specific types bag the top prize: the predators (MLM), the fans (hardcore-die-hard-football-team-fans) and the preachers (politic junkies). 

Dear predators. No, I'm not interested. No, MLM is NOT syariah-compliant. Please stop tagging me on pictures of money piles and go find yourselves another gullible prey.

Dear fans. Football for me stops the moment we lose Eric Cantona, Zinedine Zidane (to retirement) and David Beckham (to soccer xD). Sometimes your team wins sometimes they lose but statistically, the most successful team in Premier League history is undoubtedly Manchester United. Sir Alex Ferguson's side have won a remarkable 11 titles and have never finished below third since the Premier League was launched in 1992. GET OVER IT!! (lolxD)

Dear preachers. I'm a proponent of Ketuanan Naga. Sekian terima kasih.

Seriously, 2010 has got to be the lowest point in Malaysian politics. People conveniently forget that politicians are human beings; somebody's mother and father. Blogs get dirtier, more vulgar each day and it is so frustrating and disappointing to discover that people actually like reading venomous writings. It doesn't matter if the writer doesn't articulate facts and arguments in a civil manner, citing half truths and outright lies as long as the content is sensational and flame-baiting. And people actually cheer on! Two sides of a coin and grains of salt don't apply.

On one side is a senile dinosaur resistant to change, on the other is a volatile volcano waiting to erupt anytime. Either way, the middle class rakyat loses. My advice: just shut up, make up your minds and hope for the best. Do not try to argue if you can't keep emotions in check. If you happen to argue, know when to stop.

Throughout the year I have found about 40 old friends and classmates from primary school on Facebook. Crazy bunch of people, I must say (lolxD). It is amazing that despite 18 years off each other's radar, we get along quite well so far, at least online. I imagine offline meetings would be more... 'controlled'.

At work, a colleague passed away due to complications after a stomach ulcer surgery. Masdar, you are still fondly remembered. Al-Fatihah.

Financially, money flowed like water; not INTO the tank but OUT the drain. Things broke down that needed repairing/replacing, some electronic upgrades (except a new smartphone!! I ran out of budget for a new smartphone!! Grrr...), went to Singapore for a short vacation, kid started kindergarten, bought some books (I actually bought and read the entire Harry Potter series), more frequent travels back to hometown now that I no longer have classes, etc etc... 

Year-end is closing in and I found out that there's almost nothing in the tank anymore. I should care but strangely I do not. And we'll be having a third baby come January. I should panic but strangely I do not.

Last year I had hoped. This year I despaired. Ah, well, I'm alive and that's a good thing. :)

Budget 2011: Yeah, Like I Understand Economics That Well

Today 2011 national budget was tabled (is 'tabled' even the correct word?). I will not waste time going into the details. As expected, and as it has been for the past 7 years of my working life, the only group of people who would be elated over national budget are:

1) Government servants, especially female, married AND pregnant (or soon-to-be).
2) Those earning less than RM3000 (and thus will not pay a single cent of income tax).
3) Those on the receiving end of the multi-billion projects.
4) UMNO-BN 'patriots' to whom the ruling regime can do no wrong; they still think we need a bigger dick to prove our manhood to the world (seriously, have we even filled up KLCC's 88 floors yet?).

This is becoming a recurring pattern. Monetarily, those who benefit from national budget are always those who are in absolute lower income bracket AND absolute higher income bracket. Middle income wage-earners pay taxes, and in return get peanuts, cheaper handphones and underwear. Ironic.

Hey, I'm no economist. I hardly understand finance and I barely get half of what Personal Money blabbers about (though I still buy it every month for tax exemption, get it?). Yet, is it so hard give middle-income people a small piece of the pie?

Consider a regular fictional Shah (bukan nama sebenar) who make RM50k per-annum. A 1% tax rebate/return/discount (to-may-to, to-mah-to) from his total income would make him an extra RM500 per-annum, equivalent to 2 months of his eldest son's kindergarten fee; or 20 1kg packs of Dutch Lady baby formula for his youngest daughter which can last 5 months; or 2 months' worth of petrol for his hungry second-hand car. Does it cost RM10 billion for this to happen? Nope. But of course, Shah is no Vincent Tan or Ananda Krishnan, and all his cables are electrical.

And don't even get me started about the patriots, zealots and parrots. The PM had barely finished his last salvo and Facebook was already on fire with praises and feel-good status updates! Ah, but who am I, an ungrateful Melayu, a 'saudagar mimpi', to challenge the wisdom of the establishment who have stood the test of time for 53 years? :-)

In the end life goes on. Tomorrow is just another day. Nothing changes. All is well... until the next GE looms, that is... xD